we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
