508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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