i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
