Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
