You really coming over, don't trick.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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