Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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