This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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