dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My ass is underappreciated
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
