I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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