You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
