I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
