Do you still have your period?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
