I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
