Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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