i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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