Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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