so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
