Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
