im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
