Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
