I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
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i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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