so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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