my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I FOUND THE LEGS
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
