Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
