I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
