A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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