After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
