Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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