Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
