I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
