Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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