I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
