dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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