and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Boobs are out for the taking
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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