i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
