A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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