Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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