i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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