I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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