I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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