You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
