Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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