Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
