i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
