I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
