before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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