im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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