were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
