It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
