When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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