the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
