I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
