A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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