I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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