Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
