Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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