Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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