Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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