I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
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