there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
