Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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