tell your sister to shave her snatch
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
