I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
