I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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