I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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