Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
