So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
