You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
