Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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