had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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