just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
