your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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