so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
