everyone is single if you try hard enough
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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