There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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